On Relationships: Why Fifty One Percent of Marriages Fail
The multitude of relationships, specifically marriages, are ruined from the beginning, simply because of a lack of awareness. Each party is unknowingly or even knowingly blind to the reality that they have chosen someone that they are only comfortable with, not a partner that supports & inspires their change & growth.
We notice the inevitable shift when one party grows or changes & become a greater, stronger person that that which their counterpart was introduced to or at least accepted as their spouse. The party that grows will typically be the first to notice such a shift & disconnect between them. This growth can come from a place of power and ambition as it can also come from a place of ego and general hostility because of their own insecurities. Such cases can usually be deciphered and traced back to either situation. In the case of this article, it is intended for those who have grown out of a pursuit of ambition, & those who have lost a partner to the pursuit of an ambition.
The issue within these relationships stems from the initial contact & goal of one or both of the parties: either they are running towards something or running away from something. We must look at these scenarios from the start of the relationship.
-Both parties are running to something.
-Both parties are running from something.
-One party is running to something while the other is running away from something.
Of these three situations, only one can actually end in a successful relationship: That both parties met as they were running towards something, while they were ambitiously working on something.
For those that have found themselves in unsuccessful relationships, ask yourself which situation you have fallen into. When you got into the relationship, were you actively seeking your partner; were they actively seeking you? Were you running from a past relationship or were they? Ultimately, it comes down to a matter of whether or not one of you was looking for merely the physical, not the mental with the physical.
A simply physical relationship is fine for a short term stint but absolutely terrible and burdensome to either party if the reality of it is neglected and allowed to be pushed into a long term commitment. This happens so often out of a lack of responsibility and the clarity of focus towards a worthy ambition. We get lost in the comfort of the mundane ease that we think we no longer have to grow and work on ourselves. It should be made clear from the initial contact, what the aim is. Do not allow yourself to be pushed or sold into a raw deal if that is not your intention. To do so is to live blindly and confine yourself to limitation for that relationship will not be your idea and you will always rebel against it in some form.
Similarly, those that have a preconceived idea of a relationship and then find a desirable mate, recognize whether or not they were actually seeking you out, or if they happened upon you. Although it may make for an entertaining romantic comedy, it will destroy you and limit you, for you will always have to put far more effort into the relationship than you will receive. You will hinder your own growth and be bound by their limitations.
In either case, the relationship will be under constant question and duress, instead of constant love, growth, and appreciation. There is a never ending battle, one rooted so desperately in a confused, delicate state to try and understand why there is such a loss of connection, why the beginning of the relationship was so different than it is later.
With both instances, one party, if not both parties, were not actually ready to be committed. What usually happens is a lack of awareness as to the pressures of a society that the relationship must exist and how easily we accept being comfortable over the necessary pain of change. So often people ignore the real issues of a relationship because it is difficult and painful. They seek consistency and comfort over Change and Growth.
The only type of relationship that can ultimately be successful is that in which both parties were seeking each other. Both of them made a conscious effort towards seeking another and once they have found it, they feel free. They feel the Liberation of knowing anything they themselves cannot do, their partner can do. That any part of themselves that they lack and desire, they see in each other. That together, there is nothing that they cannot do.
Become aware as to whether or not your past relationships or your current relationship is based on one of these three scenarios. It should become clear with honest introspection whether you began a relationship out of a weak state of accepting it, even if you did not truly desire it. Or if you got into a relationship with someone who was not ready to be in a relationship, someone that was running from a past relationship or some pain in their life. What should be heralded are those who found a mate that matched their ambitious nature, that allowed and motivated each other to change for the better.
Do not be hasty in seeking another. Be patient and recognize that if you cannot love yourself, you will never find someone else that can. Most people want someone to love them unconditionally, yet they love themselves only on a conditional basis. Stop wasting your time and others time by acting comfortable with boring, uninspired, passionless relationships. Choose to find someone who completes you, not someone who leaves you in a constant state of confusion and questionable turmoil.